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There was a huge fire at a big city soda factory. The city company was losing ground and the owner was frantic. He told the fire department that he needed a secret formula in the safe that was in the center of the blaze, and he would give 10,000 dollars to the department that got the formula. An hour later no ground was gained and a mutual aid call was put out. When 12 departments couldn't subdue the blaze the owner saw this he raised the reward to 100,000 dollars. Suddenly a small town department drove their truck right into the fire and emerged 10 minutes later with the formula. When asked what they would do with the money one said, "Get them brakes fixed we figure."
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children fell to discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
A fire chief died and went to heaven. When he got there he saw a long line waiting to get in to the pearly gates. He told himself, "I am a fire chief, I'm not going to wait in line." He went to the angels guarding the gates and said, "Let me in, I'm a fire chief." The angels replied, "You'll have to wait in line like everyone else, sir." While waiting at the back of the line he saw a sedan pull up with red lights and a man got out wearing a white helmet that said "CHIEF." The angels popped to attention and let the chief enter heaven. The waiting fire chief was really upset now and went to talk to the angels. He asked, "Why did you let that fire chief go through and not me?" To which the angels replied, "You have it all wrong, sir. That's GOD, he just thinks he's a fire chief."
Lieutenant Conroy needed to use a pay phone, but didn't have change for a dollar. He saw firefighter Duncan mopping the floors, and asked him, "Hey rookie, do you have change for a dollar?" The firefighter replied, "Sure. " The Lieutenant gave him an icy stare. He said, "That's no way to address a superior officer! Now let's try it again. Firefighter, do you have change for a dollar?" The young firefighter replied, "NO, SIR!" and continued mopping.
If -- H 2 0 -- is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
K 9 P
There is a small rural town, somewhat northeast to the city of Niagara Falls, NY. One evening, a resident of the town called the local volunteer fire department to request assistance in removing her cat from a tree. Since this was a "questionable" call, the fire control dispatcher called the fire chief at home to ask if he wanted to respond. The chief said sure, call out the department, since it was early evening and it shouldn't be a problem for the volunteers to respond.
The fire department responded with a rescue truck which had an extension ladder. The tree, however, was too tall and willowy to support the weight of the extension ladder. Rather than send men back to the fire hall to bring the aerial ladder truck, one of the firefighters suggested an alternate course of action. Two of the firefighters supported the ladder while a third climbed high enough to tie a rope around the tree at about half its height.
The other end of the rope was tied to a trailer hitch on a pickup truck, with the truck slowly driven forward, forcing the tree to bend over. One firefighter was poised to grab the cat as soon as it was within his reach.
The knot securing the rope to the trailer hitch slipped free.
The cat was last seen airborne heading south toward the city of Niagara Falls...(and was never seen again).
The Chief and his Deputy went golfing together one Saturday morning, as they have done since they were cadets 24 years ago. You might say these guys were fanatics about their golfing.
That afternoon the Deputy returned home exhausted, and plopped down dejectedly in his easy chair. His wife, concerned by his appearance, asks if something went wrong with his game.
"No, no," he replied, "I had the best game I had in years! As a matter of fact, I started out the first three holes at 4 under par, including a hole-in-two on the 3rd."
"So why are you so beat?" his wife asked.
"Well, the Chief had a heart attack and died on the 4th hole," he said.
"What?!? And you're so exhausted from trying to save him, huh?"
"No, It was very quick and there was nothing anyone could've done. But after that, it was just hit the ball, drag the Chief, hit the ball, drag the Chief...."
Q. What does CHAOS stand for?
A. Chiefs Have Arrived On Scene.
A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. The Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into. The firemen yell to the Brunette, 'Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!' The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away...the Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato. 'C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the Redhead. 'Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!' says the Redhead. 'No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!' 'OK' says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake. Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell 'Jump! You have to jump!' 'No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!' yelled the Blonde. 'No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!' 'Look,' the Blonde says, 'nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it . . .'
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to God.
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if the sea is calm
Talks with God.
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if special request is approved.
Barely clears a Quonset hut
Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Is occasionally addressed by God.
Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings
Is run over by a locomotive
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Talks to animals
Runs into buildings
Recognizes locomotive two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can't stay afloat with a life preserver
Talks to walls.
Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings
Says, "Look at the choo-choo"
Wets himself with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to himself.
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off the tracks
Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them
Freezes water with a single glance
HE IS GOD!!!!!
The Chief and Deputy were sitting down to their usual cup of morning coffee listening to the weather report coming over the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets. Chief gets up from his coffee and says, "Jeez, okay."
Two days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of morning coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Chief gets up from his coffee and says, "Jeez, okay."
Three days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and then the power went out and Chief didn't get the rest of the instructions. He says to the Deputy, "Jeez, what am I going to do now?"
The Deputy replies, "Aw Chief, just leave the car in the garage."
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